RR04 The Desert of San Helios
by Jonn Wolfe
Summary: Retelling of "The Planet of the Dead", with two Doctors, a Time Lady Rose Tyler, and a search for one River Song.
1. A Suspicious Character

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter One_  
(The Planet of the Dead)

_**Ooooh, things are VASTLY different now**_**. =)**

_**And yes! I love feedback!  
All kinds!  
Tell me you love me...  
****hate me...  
**__**think I'm a prat...**_

_**anything!**_ **=P

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**

It was a typical night in London, minus all the rain. For once, the weather seemed to play nice with everyone. This was especially odd since it was April the eleventh. John was busying himself in pretending to be a London commuter, catching the sights as he went. Rose and his brother asked rather nicely for a weekend to themselves. A sort of honeymoon, as it were. He especially loved how they asked, though.

One of the problems in having an instant twin, was the dual ownership over most of their things. The particular object in question this time? One Janis Joplin Coat. It's brilliant and both of them wanted to wear it. The Doctor, forestalling the inevitable brotherly infighting over said clothing statement, went to the tailor where it was made while Rose distracted him with a fresh seeing of Woodstock, day two. (from a respectable distance of course... his brother was already there after all) Rose spent her time laughing at him while he got all groovy with the Grateful Dead's set... purple tee, tie for a headband, Lennon sunglasses, and something _resembling_ a cigarette. He was really 'far out' and 'outta sight' that day. Fortunately, Rose wasn't having anything to do with the local 'colour', so she was his designated driver. Good thing too, because he was totally trashed.

John was tickled beyond belief over his presents. To better tell them apart, his brother had this one done up in a light grey with a forest green liner. Of course, this started a whole new wardrobe for the boisterous gob of one Johnathon Edward Storm: New suits; New trainers; the lot. He'd be beside himself if he wasn't already. In addition, his brother got psychic paper for both him and Rose. The Doctor let him make the pockets bigger on his own though, seeing as how they both enjoy doing that immensely.

On the same day, John presented Rose with her very own personalized sonic screwdriver for a late wedding present. It was a bit smaller, but did everything the others did. Were it not for the fact that the Doctor had grabbed a small case of them when he was on Villengard, he would've had to make it from scratch. Instead, he'd replaced the casing with something that better fit in her hand. Slightly curvy, not unlike herself, not to mention the fact that it was a metallic lavender with a red light on the end. Not quite pink, but not quite purple either. She loved it, and the Doctor kicked himself for not thinking of it first.

So there he was, relaxing on a double-decker bus and playing the late night commuter — taking in the sights and sounds of London at night. He loved his new slate grey suit, and he was wearing green trainers to match both the lining of his coat as well as the shirt he was wearing. He was sans tie though. For some reason, he didn't appreciate them as much as his brother did, even though he was given a rather large supply of them. As Easter was the following morning, John was busy nibbling the ears off of a chocolate bunny.

The bus stopped and picked up a rather suspicious looking character. The woman was dressed all in black, and from what he heard... she'd offered the driver her earrings instead of a bus pass. Very suspicious indeed. Who doesn't have an oyster card these days? Well, besides him and his brother at any rate. Her demand of 'drive' was missed by everyone else except him... and that was the most suspicious thing of all.

This impression of her got worse when he noticed London's Finest running about in a tizzy. So, being the sort of bloke that laughs at social graces, he changed seats and started running his gob. "Hi there! Happy Easter!" Her muted reply made him snigger. When the bus went by the police cars, he placed himself in between the officers and the woman, blocking their view by making it appear that he was 'snogging his girlfriend'. "Chocolate?"

This made her raise her eyebrows at him. "Uhh... thanks?" She had no idea who this bloke was, but he had absolutely no sense of personal space. "Mind backing off a bit?"

John grinned and whispered conspiratorially. "You should be thanking me. Not sure why the police are following you, but I just made sure they didn't see your getaway." She'd just broken off a piece of bunny tail and popped it in her mouth when he said that, and her eyes got round. "Don't worry, wont say a word s'long as you tell me why they're after you."

"C'mplete mishundershtanding," she said around her mouthful, blushing. "They thin' I shaw shomething."

John sat back and tilted his head at her with a smirk. "A witness? That doesn't look like standard night wear, unless your a Goth. Lack of black lipstick and mascara swing that away from being a possibility." He turned in his seat and placed his arm over the backrest. "That big black bag can't be your purse either. What was it?"

"What was what?" she feigned ignorance.

"What'd you nick?" he countered softly.

She swallowed her bit of chocolate before it'd melted. "What makes you think I stole anything?" She batted her eyelashes at him in an attempt at a diversion.

John chuckled. "Oh, you must get away with that with a lot of people to try that on me, missy."

"Don't tell me I'm unattractive." She looked offended, especially since this dangerous acting bloke was quite the looker in her book.

John's eyebrows went up, in full apology mode. "Oh no. I think you're rather pretty, to be honest. But, it takes a lot more than appearances to dodge past my questio..."

Their banter was interrupted by the bus flipping about. Some woman in the back was yelling about voices, and John had enough sense to grab his verbal partner's head before it slammed into the back of the seat in front of them. "What the bloody hell is going on?" he yelled.


	2. Lovers Spat

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Two

* * *

_

"What?" The Doctor asked. He didn't like the expression on Rose's face at all. When he brought her to Nal-Syparia, it was intended to be what would constitute a honeymoon of sorts. Technically it was a pleasure planet. Not so much in the way of explicitness, as it was intended for families, but it was still a pleasure planet. He planned it so well too, that he was stumped as to how he cocked everything up.

The fifth in the Stoan system, Nal-Syparia was stoanformed (as opposed to terraformed) with bio domes the likes of which would make even the most hardened cynic cry with envy. Lattice works of crystalline glass several feet thick, the domes were so large that one couldn't actually see them from the ground. The height of them made it such that the very air blocked their view. There were fifteen of these all across the globe, with each one catered to a specific style. Dome twelve, where the Doctor took his wife, was geared towards those with families. Amusement parks scattered the area, twelve in all, and were each geared towards a specific age range. They were in the twelfth one, which was primarily for young adults.

Rose had sat down on one of the benches. She was in a huff, and it showed with her crossed arms and the scowl she was giving her husband. Even if she hadn't looked that way, the Doctor would know from being able to feel her mood. _"Idiot,"_ she thought while she was staring at his white trainers, and he heard it as plainly as if she'd shouted it for all to hear.

He sat down next to her, ignoring the passers by. "Honey, tell me. What'd I do?" The Doctor was truly at a loss and she knew it. That knowledge didn't help her opinion of him either. In fact, it made it worse. Her response was to turn away from him. Partially it was so she didn't have to look at him, but mainly it was so she could wipe the tears from her eyes without him noticing. Didn't help though, because he smelled them as soon as they appeared. "No... Rose? Why are you crying? Please tell me what I did, and I'll fix it!"

She spun on him then. "You never say it!" she hollered, hitting his shoulder and making him flinch from the ferocity her hurt emotions slammed into him.

His head reared back, confused even more now. "What, Rose? What do you want me to say? I'll say it in whatever language you want to hear it in! I promise!" he said in a rather unmanly high pitch. His mind was spinning through all the languages he knew, and that was quite a feat in itself.

Rose's response to that made him feel even worse, because she leaned into his shoulder and couldn't hold back her tears anymore. Completely alarmed now, all he could do was hold her. _"You never tell me you love me, you moron," _he heard her think. His eyes went round, and he stared at the top of her head completely stunned.

"What? Of course I do! Say it all the time!" he whinged. This of course got another arm slap out of her.

She pulled away and looked him in the eyes. "No you don't! You say 'me too' or 'quite right too' or some other cockamamie phrase that just spills out of your overactive gob." He had his mouth open to reply, when she held up a finger, "Doesn't count in bed, dammit! God, you are _Such_ a Man!" She buried her head in his shoulder and sobbed some more.

To say the Doctor was stunned by this, didn't do the effect justice. He was completely flabberstaggered, and didn't know what to say at all. Could run his gob a mile a minute when the state of the universe was at stake, but this? No, he didn't know what to say. Instead, his mind went inward and replayed all the times he ever said those three horrid words, and the inevitable consequences that followed them.

Rose felt him in real pain, and pulled back in a bit of shock. "Wha's the matter?" She hadn't felt this type of pain from him before, but she knew the feeling well. She had it for years when she was trapped in another universe. He didn't respond right away, so she shook him by his shoulders. "I'm the one tha's supposed to be crying here! Wha's wrong?"

_"Where to begin?"_ he thought, which got her angry stare again, with a _'At the beginning, you idiot.'_ The Doctor sighed. "Let's do this someplace else, eh? Please?" She frowned at that, but noticed how in the open they were, so she relented.

It was a short walk to a teleport pad, and they were in their posh hotel room in an instant. It was one of the honeymoon suites, and pretty much everything in there spoke of wealth and romance. The TARDIS was in the far corner. As soon as they were in, the Doctor stripped out of his jacket and sat on the bed. "Rose... Oh Rose, you don't know how much I do. It's just... the words..."

She sat down next to him and didn't look impressed. "You can babble your way through an army. What is it about 'I love you' that gets your knickers in a twist?"

The Doctor sighed. "It's just..." he started then got to stammering. "It... I... " he blew out a breath and tried to center his thoughts. Rose picked up on the amount of fear this conversation elicited, and she became very concerned. It wasn't till after she wrapped him up in her arms from the side before he could speak. "Every time I've said those words... and meant it... someone _died_."

Rose's mouth dropped open. Out of everything he could've said, she never expected _that_. "Theta? Oh God, why didn't you _tell_ me?" she asked, holding him tighter.

"How was I supposed to say that?" he whinged. "Oh here honey, everyone I ever loved died after I said 'I love you'... so I love you."

Rose sighed. She would've given him a retort, but the feeling behind what he said stifled that altogether. He was almost in tears. Instead, she pulled his head around and kissed him. "Swee'hear', I'm not goin' anywhere. I promised. I meant it. And apparently, I changed m'self to make good on that promise. So no more of that, yeah?"

"Guess you did there, a bit." The Doctor smiled at that, chuckling.

Rose smiled. "Just a bit."

"I don't want anything happening to you ever. I love you so much that it'd _kill _me if something happened to take you away from me _again_." He paused to wipe his eyes. "I just... didn't want to risk it."

Rose fought a sob and crushed her lips into his, snogging him for all she was worth. They fell sideways onto the bed, and were busy with each other's shirts when they both suddenly stopped. Their eyes snapped open as they felt waves of panic ripping through them.

They sat up abruptly and sent a thought out as if they were one person. _"John? What's wrong?"_


	3. Of Blenders and Mobiles

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Three

* * *

_

It felt like he was going through a blender... a blender in a bus with everything turned on it's head while being spun on frappe. He very briefly heard his brother and sister in law yelling in his head, _'John? What's wrong?'_ and all he could say at the time was _"I don't bleeding know!"_ Then all at once, the spinning stopped and everyone was tossed forward.

John was the first to recover, somewhat. He stood after checking his verbal sparring partner. "Everyone all right?" That got a few moans and groans, and he turned to face the back when he heard someone giving back whatever it was they'd eaten. He went to check on the poor bloke, but was waved off with an 'm'fine'.

After assuring that everyone was in relatively one piece, he made his way to the front and stepped out of the bus. "We... are not in Kansas anymore, Toto." Looking around, nothing was visible except desert in all directions. He felt his brother and Rose in his head again, only it felt even further away than it was before. _"I think we've gone through a spatial rift of some sort. No idea where we are, but there are three suns and a bloody huge desert. Seem to be all right for the most part though."_

_'Were you in Cardiff?'_ he heard his brother ask.

John shook his head, _"No... London. Went through the Blackwall Tunnel and ended up wherever here is. Hold up. Confused passengers. Be right back."_

John turned around as he heard one bloke go on about how they were on another planet, then mentioned the planets in the sky, and was full of wonder. Another mentioned how hot it was. The one that got his attention though, was his verbal sparring partner as she walked over to him.

"Out of everyone here, you seem to be the most comfortable with this. Why is that?" she asked him.

John smirked as his opinion of her went up several notches. "Weird things happen, and I've seen my share. You?"

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Ready for anything. If you aren't prepared, then you're as good as dead."

"That's an interesting philosophy. Tell me, black goes with desert suns, right?" he poked.

She frowned, not liking being taken down a peg. So she tried another approach. "Lady Christina de Souza... and you are?" she said with practiced disdain.

"Lord Johnathon Edward Smythe. Pleased to make your acquaintance," he said with equal displeasure and half bowed. Technically he _was _a lord of sorts, but he'd never heard of one with the surname of Storm, so he fudged the details a bit. It seemed to win that bit of sparring though, so it pleased him immensely. He smirked and donned his Lennon sunglasses. "So, now that the pleasantries are out of the way, what'd you nick?"

"None of your business!" she retorted, then flushed... both ashamed and amused that he caused her out in such a flippant manner. "More to the point, where's here and how did we happen to get here?"

"I know the answer to the second question, but not the first. Don't recognize the trinary star system right off. Be better if it were night, then I'd have a chance." John knelt and grabbed a handful of sand. "But for the second... hold on." He looked at his hand, then let a little go into his right hand from the left. "This is too fine for just run of the mill sand. S'like it's processed, or..." he dabbed a small bit on is tongue, then spat it out with a grimace, earning a chuckle. "Yeah... you don't wanna know. Annnyway, we came through this!" He tossed the handful of sand in the air, causing a ripple to appear. He took note of the edges to gauge it's size, and frowned. "Thing is... why's it so big?"

"Oi!" the bus driver said from behind them. "Is that where we came from?"

John nodded. "Yeah. Some sort of spatial rift."

"Good! 'cause I'm going back!" the man trudged past them in a trot, only to be arm locked by John.

"You don't want to do that!" he said to the driver. That got a 'why not' out of him. Turning them both to the bus, he explained. "Look at what it did to the double-decker, mate! What you think it'll do to you? Now stand still while I demonstrate, yeah?"

At the drivers muted, 'all right', he let go of him and fished a banana out of his coat, showing it to everyone. "This banana is you!" He turned to the back of the bus. "This is you on wormholes!" he tossed it, and it burned up right in front of them with electric sparks. The scent of burned banana filled the air. "That coulda been you, mate!"

"Blimey," the driver said. "Thanks for stopping me."

"You're welcome," John said with a frown. "Ohhhh, that was my last banana too. Dammit all." He turned to the rest of the appalled passengers. "Anyone got a mobile?"

Christina looked at him like he was stupid. "That wont work here, idiot!"

"Course it will!" he challenged.

She flipped hers out and looked at the screen. "No bars mate. Told you," she said rather smugly.

"Just gimme, yeah?" When she handed it over disbelievingly, he spoke up to the rest of them. "Might want to get in the shade, folks. No telling how long we'll be here." John fished his sonic out of a pocket and whirred it over the device.

Christina watched him and couldn't help but ask. "What're you doing?"

"Jiggery pokery. Now shush." She frowned at that. "Right then, full bars. Now, what was his... Oh wait, Martha!" He dialed her number and hit the speakerphone.

While it was ringing, his brother chimed in again still worried. _'You all right? What's happening?'_ He answered with _"Calling Martha and Jack. Someone needs to barricade the road so no one else gets stuck here. Be with you in a minute."_

The phone was picked up. 'Hullo?'

"Martha! Good to hear your voice!"

'Hold on. Let me hit the threeway.' There were a couple of beeps. 'Still there John? Doctor?'

"I'm here!" he said at the same time as his brother.

Christina, thoroughly impressed by now, was a bit shocked. "That guy sounds like you."

"I should hope so," John said. "He's my twin brother, and our ride out of here if things go south." Christina's head went back at the thought of two of this bloke.

'Are you all right?' the Doctor asked, while John and Christina joined the others in the shade of the bus.

"Yeah. All here and alive, minus a banana. Bus has seen better days though. Lucky we were in it. Top half is smashed to kingdom come," John said, staring up at what he was describing.

"Acted like a Faraday Cage," Christina offered.

John gave her a cheeky grin. "Exactly so!"

'Can you drive back through it?' his brother asked.

John looked to the bus driver, who turned round and went back in the bus. "Trying the engine now, though I'm not hopeful. Listen. The sand here is more than just sand."

'How'dyou mean?' he brother asked.

John grimaced and turned around to speak quietly in the mobile. "There's quite a bit of fecal matter in it, almost like the entire thing were one huge catbox."

'Ew, that's disgusting!' Martha said.

Her voice reminded him why he called. "Martha, I need Jack to block off the street. While it's late, there's no telling who's on the road."

They heard the bus try to start up, grinding the gears.

'We're already on it, John. Jack called the local police and they're setting up a blockade now.'

"Sounds like the bus needs some work. Where're you?"

'We're in the SUV, half way there by now. Your brother called us as soon as he felt this happening to you.'

"Bless your heart 'James'!"

'You're welcome John. We're almost there too.'

Christina looked surprised, as did most of the others except the married couple, John noted. "He felt this happening to you?"

John shrugged it off. "It's a twin thing."

'Yeah right!'

"Rose! How's my sister in law?"

'Pissed that I can't have a honeymoon without somethin' 'appening!'

"Sorry, love," John said sheepishly. "Listen. This mobile has a half full battery. Give us a call when you get there, right? Got the number, Martha?"

'Yeah, it's in the call list.'

"Good. Ring us when you get there. I need to take a look around."

'You be careful!'

"Hey, now brother. This is me!"

'Yeah, that's what he's worried 'bout!'

"Oh stow it Rose. Got plenty of help here. I'm hanging up now. Love to you all!" He clicked it off before they could reply. "Now then! Let's have a look at that engine!"


	4. Detours and Heartbreak

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**_

_Chapter Four

* * *

_

"He hung up on me," the Doctor stared at the phone, appalled. "That twit actually hung up on me!" Rose snatched it just before her husband threw a bit of a tantrum. _"Oi! You bloody hung up on me, you wanker!"_

_"Settle down brother! I'm taking a peek at a rather clogged engine. Sand is ruddy everywhere. Whup. Hold on. One of the passengers is... hmmm. She sounds a bit prescient, to be honest. Talking about death and shiny things flying about. That's both interesting and disturbing all at the same time, there."_

'Doctor?' Martha's voice said through the mobile.

Rose killed the speakerphone and held it to her ear. "S'all right. The boys are arguing now. Silly really. He'd've done the same thing."

"I would not!" the Doctor spun around, offended. "Well, okay. Maybe I would... but still!"

Rose rolled her eyes, flicking her hand out dismissively. "Yeah, whatever. Martha, how's the motorway?"

'We've got the Blackwall Tunnel closed off. Police are painfully slow, but at least they're used to doin' it though. Bloody thing's more trouble than it's worth. Tried telling Jack to get Unit involved, but he's not having it.'

'They'd mess everything up, and I don't want the bloody paperwork!' Jack whinged.

'Pay attention to the road!' Gwen yelled. 'I _hate_ your driving!'

Rose spoke up, worried. "Jack, you wont do any of us any good if you wreck on the way over there."

'Blame the Doc!' Jack countered. 'He disabled my manipulator! Doing the best I can to get there before this blows up in our faces! Cardiff to London aint a short trip, you know!'

Rose spun on her husband. "You deactivated his Spock? The hell for?"

Busy trying to borrow his brother's vision to get a better sense of where he was, so far only getting an engine and a few faces for his trouble, The Doctor looked at her rather confusedly. She walked around the console to poke at his chest. "What did you do to Jack's wrist strap?"

She looked annoyed. That was bad. He could feel that she was appalled. That was worse. He heard Jack through the phone going on about how he finally had someone on his side. Oh hell, that was the triple threat of badness! In the end, the Doctor bit his lip and looked like a four year old that was being scolded for breaking a mate's toy. "It... was a good idea at the time?"

The finger that'd been poking his chest went up as Rose flattened her hand out with a shake. She was just this side of wanting to slap him. "I'll deal with you later, Time Lord," she muttered. Turning to the console, she started making some adjustments. "Martha, are you on the M4 yet?"

'Yeah, we just passed Swindon and Marlborough Road, and are coming up on a Welcome Break.'

Rose spoke up so she could be heard clearly over Martha's speakerphone. "Jack, pull over. We're coming to pick you up!"

'Oh thank God,' she heard Mickey say, making her giggle. She looked up to the ceiling. _"Swee'hear'? Could you please find Martha and Jack so we can go get them?"_

_Of course, my dear,_ they heard their living ship say, and Rose felt the time track shift slightly. She didn't exactly know what it was she felt just yet, but she was used to the feeling by now. _I can't wait to see my Captain again,_ they heard her say.

The Doctor groaned, and Rose looked up the Time Rotor with a surprised half grin on her face. "Have you two...?" They felt the ship purr, but didn't say a word on the subject. Rose snickered with a hand over her mouth, as they felt the thunk of their landing.

'We see you!' Martha exclaimed. 'Hanging up now.'

* * *

While the team was offloading equipment to put in the TARDIS, Rose shared a hug with Jack and Martha. She paused, catching a glimpse of the side of the SUV, and pulled out of Jack's arms. "Hold on. You are in a secret organization, and you have the _name_ of it written on the side of the bloody car?" She pointed at him. "That's just stupid!"

Martha crossed her arms with a wry grin at Jack. "Told you." He just frowned and flushed a shade of pink.

The Doctor pulled Mickey and Ianto up short. "What're you two doing, bringing energy weapons on board my ship?" He pointed at the three rifles in question that Rose, Mickey, and Jackie used when the Earth was stolen.

"Begging your pardon, sir," Ianto said, "but if something is causing a rift between planets, wouldn't it be prudent to think something might want to come through it?"

The Doctor blinked. "Good point. Carry on, then."

* * *

"Is that an alien?" Lou, the husband of the married couple, asked while pointing up one of the dunes.

Everyone spun from the attention they were giving the engine and tires. Angela shrieked and scrambled into the bus, while Barclay and Nathan both said 'whoa' in wonder. Christina stepped over to John. "He looks like that bloke in 'The Fly.'"

"A Tritovore," John said with a grin on his face. "Oh, they're harmless. Eating habits will make you queasy, but they're a wonderful species. C'mon, lets go say hello, eh?" He looked back to the others. "Focus on the engine. We're going to go greet the neighbors."

Carmen, the wife of the married couple, touched John's arm. "Be careful now. He's afraid."

John patted her hand with a smile. "Thanks, dear. Back in a mo'."

Christina was full of questions as they made their way up the dune. "You don't make any sense at all, Smythe. How do you know what that is? How is your brother supposed to come get us?"

John smiled as he glanced over at her. "Call me John. Think about that question for a minute, and the answer should hit you on the head like a golden brick."

Christina's eyes bulged behind her sunglasses. "You're an alien?"

"See? That wasn't so hard," he said with a chuckle.

Christina's head was swimming with the possibilities, and not once was she afraid of any of them. "But you look human, and how can you be a Lord if you're an alien?"

"_Time_ Lord," he said with a grin. "And you lot look like us." He turned his head and winked. "We came first," he sniffed.

[Stop right there!] the Tritovore said to them when they got within several feet of him. He pulled a stunner out to emphasize the order.

Christina stopped walking only when John did, then mirrored him with her hands up when the gun came out. Then she was confused when John 'spoke' to the alien with clicks, pops, and whistles.

[Oi! What's with the gun?] John said, fully annoyed. [We're unarmed! Came to see if you knew what was going on, and you hold us up like a bandit? That's not very nice at all!]

Christina watched as the alien shifted from foot to foot, then was surprised when the gun lowered slightly. Then there was more of the clicking between them.

[You didn't attack us?] the Tritovore asked him.

John looked at him like he was stupid. [Look at what we came in! A _wheeled_ vehicle, from a class five planet no less. How the bloody hell could we attack you? We got here not a half hour ago! How long have you been here?]

The gun was now pointing at the ground. [Sixteen hours. What's going on? How did you get here in a land vehicle?]

John thumbed behind them. [There's some sort of spatial rift over there and we drove straight through it. You can't see it, but then again we didn't either. S'why we blundered through it. Ripped the top deck nearly to shreds too. Can we put our arms down now?]

The Tritovore nodded and holstered his stunner. Christina didn't put her arms down till John did, though. "What are you two talking about?" she asked in a whisper.

"Just explained to our new friend here that we didn't cause them to crash. Apparently, they've been here for over half a day and are just as confused as we are," John said.

[Not confused,] the Tritovore said. [Just... Okay, we're totally out of our depth, here,] he conceded. [We're just a trading ship. Nothing about this place makes sense.]

John smiled at him. "Translator?" The Tritivore nodded and pointed at a silvery looking button thing on his collar. "Mind if we take a look at your ship? Maybe we can do something about getting you back into space." He got another nod.

"What about them?" Christina asked, pointing at the bus.

John turned. "Oh, right." He cupped his hands around his mouth. "Oi! You lot!" Several heads turned in their direction. "We're going to this blokes ship! He crashed too, and we're going to see about helping him out! Back in an hour! Maybe between all of us, we can get home before breakfast!"

Nathan and Barclay waved at them, while Max - the driver - still fiddled with the engine. Nathan turned to Barclay. "Blimey. S'like bloody Star Wars out here."

Barclay shook his head. "Nah. One sun too many. I like that bloke though. Think he's an alien in disguise? Seems to know a lot."

"He does, doesn't he? Max agreed, looking up from the engine. "Saved my life, so he's okay in my book."

* * *

The TARDIS was on the side of the street. Jack, Mickey, and Ianto were off talking to the Lieutenant in charge of the police. This left the Doctor with three women in the console room. He was busy analyzing the event horizon of the rift, while Rose was catching up with the girls at the jump seat.

"You got married?" Gwen asked with a light on her face. "Congratulations!" She pulled Rose into a hug.

Rose was smiling ear to ear until she heard a slight sniffle coming from Martha. Pulling away from Gwen, she sat next to Martha and put a hand on her shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"No, it's... It's not you. I'm happy for you," Martha said, wiping her eyes. "It's just..." She looked at her dangling feet. "Tom and I... we broke it off... just this morning." Her face twisted up.

"No!" Gwen said, sitting on the other side of her. "Why didn't you say something?" She and Rose both put an arm around her, and hugged her from either side.

Hearing the commotion, as well as Martha crying, the Doctor looked up from the monitor and turned around, alarmed. "What's wrong?"

Rose looked up. "She and Tom broke it off today."

The Doctor's mouth dropped open, and he knelt in front of Martha. "Oh, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay." Martha said, trying desperately to dry her face. "It's been a long time coming."

Rose rubbed her back. "What happened?"

"He's been in Africa, doing volunteer work for over a year now. Kept tellin' me that everything would be all right. Then he drops a bombshell on me this morning." Martha broke down and sobbed. "The bastard fell in love with his bloody _nurse_!"

Mouths dropped open, surprised and pissed off. Rose and Gwen rocked her, while the Doctor pulled a handkerchief out for her. She took it gratefully, just before John sounded off in Rose and the Doctor's minds.

_"Oi. Looks like there's a Tritovore trading ship here that crashed half a day ago. Met one of the crew, and we're going to see about fixing them up as well. They're about five football fields away from the bus, just over a dune," _he said. _"Hey. What's the matter? Why are you two angry?"_

_"Just found out that Tom broke it off with Martha today,"_ Rose said. _"She's devastated."_

They felt John's ire. _"What'd he do?"_

_"Fell in love with his nurse,"_ the Doctor said.

John's ire flared louder. _"I'll bloody kill'em! The 'ell was he thinking!"_

_"Never mind that now,"_ the Doctor said. _"Ask them what planet you're on."_

_"Oh. Good idea!"_ There was a pause. _"San Helios. Brother, there's supposed to be billions of people here, and he's telling me the entire planet's a desert."_

"Ohhh blimey." The Doctor put a hand on Martha's head, then got back up to continue his analysis of the rift.

Martha looked up. "Wha's the matter?"

"John just said they're on a planet that was supposed to have a huge civilization, but it's one big desert now," Rose explained.

Martha looked at her, fully confused now. "Hold on. How'd _you_ hear him?"

Rose grinned and held her hand out towards her husband. The Doctor pulled the stethoscope from his jacket and handed it to her without turning around. Opening the ends, she held it up to her. Martha took it with a frown, then put them in her ears. Rose placed the other end on the left side of her chest for a moment, then on the right.

Martha's eyes bulged. "How the hell did that happen?"

"What?" Gwen asked.

Rose smiled. "I've got two hearts now."

"But..." Martha was at a complete loss.

Rose looked sheepish. "Ate something I wasn't supposed to. Killed me in five seconds flat. The second one grew right after that."

"Told you to mind the dessert," the Doctor chastised, still trying to figure out the rift.

Rose looked frustrated. "Well, I didn't believe you when you said it was poisonous. It was bloody ice cream, for cryin' out loud!"

"Believe me now though, don't you?" he asked.

She just nodded at his back.

"Don't do that to me again, please. Nearly went insane there for a bit."

Rose grimaced. "Sorry."

"Wait. You were human. I know you were human," Martha said. "I met your mum, and Mickey grew up with you!"

Rose nodded. "I was, right up till I looked in the heart of the TARDIS to save him." She thumbed over to the Doctor.

"Why didn't I think of that," Martha muttered.

"Killed you most likely, if you tried it," the Doctor said. "Rose is a bit unique."

Martha shook her head. "All right, you're a Time Lord." Gwen's eyes grew round as she stared at Rose. "What I'd like to know is... if you regenerated, why do you look the same?"

The Doctor looked over his shoulder at them when Rose shrugged. "Haven't the foggiest, and that's saying something. I wouldn't have minded if she did, but I'm glad I still get to see that tongue in her teeth," he grinned.

Rose looked up at him, smiling and showing him exactly what he was talking about.

"So, what was in the ice cream that killed you?" Gwen asked.

Rose's face twisted up in annoyance. "Aspirin!"

"Aspirin?" Martha echoed. "I wouldn't've believed him either."

"That's a poison for you all?" Gwen asked.

The Doctor turned round again. "Yeah, quite deadly. But keep that under your hat, if you don't mind please."

Gwen looked at him, amused. She did a zipping motion over her lips, nodding her head.

"Shame really," Rose frowned. "Used to love chewin' a tablet or two when I was a kid."

Her husband turned around fully. "That's why you tried the aspirin ice cream of death? You like the taste?" She nodded sheepishly. "Why didn't you say something? I can synthesize that flavor for you, and even put it in tablets." Her response to that was raised eyebrows and a big smile, then yanking him down by his tie for a quick snog.

Martha smiled, still wiping her eyes, but Gwen laughed at their antics. "You two are too cute for words!"

Rose let him up, then spun him back round to the scanner. She gave him a gentle push so he'd get back to work. Looking to what constituted her girlfriends, she held her right pinky up, then spun the index of her other hand around it. They quietly snorted.

"I heard that," the Doctor said, lying through his teeth.


	5. Flirting, Scolding, and a bit of Alarm

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Five

* * *

_

Jack was doing a combination of being 'informative' and 'distracting' with the police Lieutenant, in full Harkness style and fashion of course. In other words, he was flirting to within an inch of the poor man's life. While Lieutenant Martin was more interested in the opposite sex, he was postulating the possibilities. This of course annoyed Ianto to no end. Mickey just looked uncomfortable.

It wasn't ten minutes into Jack's smiling charm and banter, when the Lieutenant sighed. "Captain Jack Harkness," he shook his head. "They did warn me."

Smile growing bigger, Jack's brow went up. "Who warned you?" Out of everything, his ego got a huge boost whenever his reputation preceded him.

The man reached into his upper pocket and fished his credentials out of his blazer. Flipping the wallet open, he held it up for him to see. Jack's smile froze for a split second, before falling completely when he realized he was staring at a Unified Taskforce I.D. card. "Sonovabitch. How the hell?" Jack turned his head when he heard several of the 'police' snicker from their vehicles.

"Come now, Captain. A call from Torchwood to the police to set up a blockade? Of course we knew."

Jack turned his head and stared at Mickey. "You're two steps away from being fired." Mickey's eyes bulged and he stumbled over his mouth.

Before he could say anything though, Martin spoke again. "It's not his fault, sir," he said, much to Mickey's relief. He blew out a breath and rubbed the side of his head.

Turning back to Martin, Jack's left brow was up with a half smile. "You wiretap the police?" This got a grinning nod. "Cheeky bastard."

Martin chuckled. "Now that the pleasantries are over, can you be honest with what's happening here?"

Jack turned, looking at the other officers. "All of you are Unit?" This got a bunch of smiles and quiet salutes. While Jack wasn't technically British, he'd lived on the island long enough to acquire their stiff upper lip. "Okay." Looking to the pavement, he snatched up a broken piece of asphalt. Wasn't a rock, but it'd do. "Pay attention everyone." Turning to the tunnel, he chucked it.

The soldiers in police garb all stepped back when they saw the rippling horizon of the wormhole. "Oh dear," was all the Lieutenant could say. It was a moment before he could continue. "Is it safe to assume that civilians have already entered that thing?"

Jack turned back and nodded. "And a dear friend of mine." Martin looked to the TARDIS with a questioning look. "Not him. Someone who travels with him. He's _not _happy."

"I should say not," Martin said. That the infamous former scientific advisor should be upset with anything, worried him immensely. All with clearance had been informed of the man's temper. "Are there reports of hostiles on the other side?"

"Not yet. The Doctor is trying to figure out where the hell the other side is. Speaking of, hold on." He stepped to the side and tapped the comm in his ear. "Gwen, tell the Doc that our side of this thing is getting bigger, and that Unit pulled a fast one on us." That made Martin chuckle.

'Are you all right?' Gwen asked.

Jack nodded. "Yeah, everything's fine. The police out here are all undercover Unit, and their major is just as cheeky as I am." He winked at Martin.

'"That's not /bloody/ possible,"' /Gwen/ and Ianto said at the same time. Mickey snickered.

* * *

"What's impossible?" The Doctor asked her.

She grinned, taking her hand off her comm. "No one's as cheeky as Jack."

"That goes without saying," the Doctor nodded with a grin. Rose snorted a laugh, while Martha shook her head at the very idea.

"And the 'police'," Gwen finger quoted, "are all undercover Unit."

The Doctor rolled his eyes with a groan, both relieved and annoyed at the same time.

"So much for avoiding paperwork," Martha said.

Gwen nodded. "One more thing. Looks like whatever it is out there is getting larger."

The Doctor arched a brow, then looked to the monitor. He didn't get very far though, because his brother got their attention again.

_'Theta? We've got a problem.'_ The Doctor and Rose held up a silencing hand towards Gwen and Martha, looking up with shocked alarm. John _never_ called his brother by that nickname. Ever. '_Remember those shiny death things the nice lady, Carmen, talked about before? I think I'm staring at them.'_

The Torchwood ladies were startled when Rose shot up from the jump seat to hold her husband's hand. Her expression didn't worry them as much as how she gripped his jacket with her other, pressing herself as close to him as she could.

Martha thought something was terribly wrong, remembering doing something similar with him when she was afraid. Her mouth came open a little though, when the Doctor took his arm from Rose's grip and put it around her in a protective, sideways hug. Martha couldn't help it. Her old feelings of jealousy flared a little when she saw that. She knew better, of course. But still, he never did that with her and it hurt.

"Please be all right," Rose muttered before turning her face into the Doctor's side, worried and scared for her brother in law.

That got Martha thinking.

Gwen got out "What's the..." before the Doctor shushed her with a look.

_"What are they?"_ the Doctor asked him both mentally and aloud for the ladies benefit.

_'Not sure yet. Looks like a sandstorm, but they're not supposed to glitter and shine quite like this. Looks to be a few hours away. Going to try to see what it is with the Tritovore scanners before I get to working on their ship.'_

_"Be careful!" _Rose said, doing the same with being aloud and telepathic at once. _"Don't like not being there to help."_

_'Always am, and I love you too, Petal.'_

_"All the same,"_ the Doctor said, full of worry, _"You tell me the instant things go cockeyed, and we'll be there."_

_'I promise.'_

* * *

John and Christina were led through the corridors of the Tritovore's ship. Christina pinched her nose shut, and looked at John with an unspoken question. He mouthed 'Don't ask' at her, which caused her eyebrows to scrunch in worried disgust. He patted her shoulder in sympathy. That glittery sandstorm they saw earlier was really bothering him though, so her comfort was way in the back of his head on the list of importance. They came into the bridge and paused while their new friend was being berated by another Tritovore.

[What the hell do you think you're doing?] She had her padded hands on her hips.

He put his up in placation. [They couldn't have attacked us. They crashed not a cycle ago.]

[How do you know that?]

[They told me.]

[And you believed them?] she scoffed.

He tapped his translation matrix. [He didn't lie. The two hundred isn't even a proper vehicle. It has wheels, and is from a class five planet.]

[Class five?] this was directed at him, but she was looking at John and Christina.

John nodded. [Yes. They have a while to go before proper introductions to the rest of the galaxy.] The female reared back when she heard him talking in their language, and he smirked. [S'okay. I've visited your world a few times. Lovely planet. I could do without the feastings, but I fell in love with your music.]

Christina tried to figure out what the other Tritovore was doing, then an idea came to mind. "Is that one laughing?"

"Yeah, she is," John snickered. "Everything's fine." He patted Christina on the back, then stepped up to the main console. "Do you have any probes on board? There's a sandstorm on the way, and I have a feeling it has something to do with what happened here."

[Certainly,] the female said. [Rizidik, please launch one of the mining scanners.] Rizidik, the one that initially held them at stunner point, stepped up next to John and flipped a couple of switches. They heard some metal pinging, echoing around. Rizidik then turned on the monitor.

A holographic display appeared in the center of the bridge. Christina was fascinated at the sight of the desert flying past. "This is like watching an Imax," she said with a large smile.

"[Rizidik], tell me, does the mining scanner have multiphasic capabilities?" Rizidik nodded. "Do you mind?" he asked, indicating the controls. Rizidik shrugged and stepped back. John one hand typed a small series of commands while watching the display. A grid appeared, and several readings were scrolling along the left side.

Christina came to stand next to him. "So. What are we doing?"

"Taking a closer look at that storm," John explained, while reading the scrolling information. "Remember what Carmen said about flying shiny death things?"

She gave him a puzzled look. "Sorry, I thought she was rambling something that should get her sectioned."

John scowled at her. "She's a low level psychic, miss prissy." That got him a returning scowl. He shook his head. "Anyway, sandstorms don't usually glitter, and I'm wondering if it's an actual storm... or a swarm."

"Swarm?" Christina said, alarmed. Their two friends echoed that as well in their own language, equally afraid.

"Yeah. Disturbing, innit?" John said. "Hold on. Let me zoom this in a bit." Both hands were flying over the rather large keyboard. His last command caused a joystick to pop out of a hole on the side of the keyboard. Taking hold of it, he aimed the camera while typing left handed. The screen shifted through several different scanners on the probe. He paused when they saw an energy field. "What.. is _that_? Can you record this?"

The female went to a different console and started capturing the readings. Her head went back a little. Rizidik saw her reaction. [Mizidia, what's wrong?]

She turned to look at the screen. [Whatever that is... it's generating an energy field of 9382735.632865 to the square on the Fizior scale.]

John was muttering while running calculations in his head. "Nine three eight two seven three five point six three two..." His head popped up with wide eyes. "The rift! It's generating the rift!"

"That thing we drove through?" Christina asked, looking at him.

John nodded and flipped the main screen back to regular video. He increased the speed the probe was flying to maximum, and steered it manually. The storm seemed to fly closer at a dizzying pace. The closer it got though, the more it didn't look like a sandstorm at all. Christina gasped when she saw things flying about. Then the probe was in the middle of them, and it was readily apparent that whatever these things were, they were most definitely not friendly.

"Sweet... Mother... of Chaos," John said quietly with wide eyes. One of the manta shark like creatures turned and came directly at the probe, and everyone flinched when it's mouth filled the screen, plunging it into static. Christina yelped and grabbed John in reflex.

John put his arm around her out of his own reflex. When he realized he wasn't holding on to his sister, he flushed slightly and adjusted so that he patted Christina's shoulder instead. "S'okay. By these readings, they're at least two hours away."


	6. The Swarm

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Six

* * *

_

Jack had come inside, having been thoroughly annoyed with the situation with Unit. He was currently hugging Martha, since Gwen told him what happened to her. "I'm so sorry. He's an idiot."

"It's okay," Martha sniffed. If anything, hugging Jack made her feel better. The thought that his fifty first century pheromones might be causing it didn't pop up in her head at all. Jack was a friend, as well as a rather tall and strong man. That alone made her feel better. She felt like such a girl sometimes.

The Doctor, on the other hand, was becoming more and more annoyed and agitated. "How can you be a natural phenomenon and artificial at the same time?"

Rose rubbed his shoulder. "Talk it out. Don't over-think it."

Frowning, the Doctor looked away from the screen. Worrying over his brother wasn't making this any easier, and Rose knew it. "It's expanding at two point four five to the sub root of pi. That's not natural. That's so far _beyond_ natural that it's plain stupid." He began pacing. "And yet the sub-harmonics have all the characteristics of a chaotic rift storm. Vortex Manipulators don't do that! TARDIS don't do that! The bloody sarcophagus that was a portal to _Mars_ didn't do that!" Stopping, he ran his hands through his hair and gripped it, pulling slightly.

Eyes going dark, the Doctor thundered his frustration. "IT DOESN'T MAKE A _FUCKING_ LICK OF SENSE!"

Everyone except Gwen, who was used to such language, froze. The Doctor may throw out a damn or a hell on occasion, but he never ever drops the f-bomb... _Ever_. The two former companions slowly turned to look at him with wide eyes, holding each other tighter. Gwen was confused by their behavior, especially Jack's since he looked like he was about to soil himself. She changed her opinion when she saw the Doctor's eyes, though. Their deep brown had darkened to pitch black. It was more than unnerving.

Knowing why he was acting this way because she could feel it, Rose stepped over to him, unbuttoned his jacket, and hugged him close. _"You just scared everyone in the room with that. Now stop worrying about John. Stop worrying about what can or can't be with natural or unnatural. Focus on what to do about it to close or move it. I love you."_

The Doctor blew out a huge breath and returned the hug, placing his chin on top of his wife's head and closing his eyes. "Sorry. Worrying about a twin brother is rather new to me. Lost my head a bit."

"Just a bit?" Jack said. "I've _never_ heard you talk like that, even when you still had big ears and a leather fetish!" He couldn't explain why his heart was hammering so hard. It was like hearing his _father_ swear or something.

Martha nodded in full agreement. "I just about wet myself. What _was_ that with the eyes there?"

The Doctor's face was full of apologies. "Oh, I'm sorr..." Waves of apprehension and fear flitted through Rose and the Doctor's minds. Both of them looked up, flinching. "What's wrong?" they asked at once.

_'You have to see this. Link up,'_ John said._  
_

"What's the matter?" Jack asked, getting nothing but a silencing hand from the Doctor. He and his teammates could do nothing but watch as the Doctor and his wife closed their eyes.

It wasn't all that clear from the distance involved, but a graphical representation of some sort of aquatic animal came into a blurry focus. _'It's not aquatic,'_ John said. _'They're eighteen feet long, and these things are flying. They ARE the bloody sandstorm and I think they ATE everything here, just like the probe we sent out.'_

Rose gasped and the Doctor swore, making Jack and Martha flinch again. He never drops the s-firecracker either.

_'Two of those things hit the intakes of the trading ship's atmospheric engines and they're still alive. I think they're dormant because of the cold, but still... look at the exoskeleton. It's pure andromine. If what I'm thinking is correct, then it acts as a Faraday Cage, much like the bus did for us. That swarm is generating an energy field of ten to the power of twelve every eight microseconds. Which means...'_

"They're generating the rift... and they're coming _here_," the Doctor whispered. The couple broke apart and went around the controls, starting up the TARDIS. "We're Coming! Jack, tell Mickey and Ianto..."

* * *

The grinding of the TARDIS engines made everyone turn around. Ianto and Mickey immediately hit their comms. "Jack? What's happening?"

'We're going to get the civilians. Tell Major Martin that hostiles are _definitely_ on the other side, and to get out their big guns.' Mickey spun to do just that.

"What about the rifles?" Ianto prompted.

The TARDIS lifted up from the street and hovered over to them. The door opened up and Jack stuck his head out. "The Doctor said they wont work, but bullets will! Lots and _Lots_ of bullets!" He looked out to the Unit personnel. "GET READY!"

Jack shut the door when he saw everyone scramble, and the TARDIS spun into the rift.

* * *

**_A/N: Apologies that this chapter is so short.  
The next one will make up for it though. I promise._**


	7. Last Minute Heroics

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Seven

* * *

_

_A/N:Sorry for the wait. I hate being sick.  
_

_Sorvin and Praygat were the names of the Tritovores in the Credits of the show. Honestly, I don't like those names at all... not "Clicky" enough in my mind, so I changed them. Plus, the originals implied that they were both male. Since I wanted a bit more explanation of who the Tritovore people are, I changed the sex of one and expounded from there. I extrapolated the name of their homeworld from their species name, as it was unnamed.  
_

* * *

"This is impossible," Max complained, throwing his rag to the sand. He and the boys had spent almost two hours trying to wipe enough sand out of the engine for it to start. "This thing needs to be completely flushed!"

Inside the bus, Carmen was doing her best to calm Angela down from a massive panic attack. The poor woman was so overwhelmed from everything that was happening, that she simply wanted to go home and smother her children with hugs and kisses.

Lou was trying to help, but she seemed to be more responsive to Carmen than him. Still, he sat by just in case. He was rubbish with machinery, so he felt a bit useless in general. Carmen looked up, her head swaying slightly. Lou put a hand on her shoulder, steadying her. "What is it sweetheart?"

His wife's face broke into a brilliant smile. "James is coming. Only, that's not his name." She rubbed Angela's shoulder some more, with her head tilted to look down at her huddled form. "It'll be all right, love. The Doctor is coming to take us home."

Angela looked up with some hope in her eyes. "Doctor who?"

* * *

The Torchwood team were clinging to whatever they could just to stay upright, while the Doctor and Rose were a coordinated pair - even kicking off the railing when they needed to, grabbing and manipulating various controls as they hurtled through the rift. Despite everything, they were laughing like crazy. The mania of last minute heroics thrummed through them both, and the bucking of the TARDIS was just a bonus to them.

Gwen, having given the pretense of standing a righteous hanging, was nearly wrapped around the jump seat and had a death grip on Martha's hand. "Is it always like this?" she yelled at her, fear plastered on her face.

Martha hated how things ended between her and the Doctor, even more so than it did with Tom. However, Tom's stung worse. She couldn't help the big grin on her face though. Even if the Doctor was taken now, there was still a chance for something else, and this part... oh, this part she just _loved_. That hamster... that daft little hamster... who just spun and spun on that circle treadmill thingy in her stomach. "Sometimes!"

"They drive worse than Jack!" Gwen complained. This second trip in the TARDIS was so unreal for her. It was like she was on a roller coaster that didn't have any rails, and she was _damned_ _sure_ they left her stomach behind somewhere. Hell if she knew where, but most likely Llareggub.

"Learned from the best!" Jack yelled with a bit of cheek that was just tinted with a hint of panic. This was a bit much for him as well, though. "What's with all the turbulence, Doc?" He would never admit the white knuckles he was sporting on the rail there. The Captain? Afraid? Hell no! _Oh alright... Yes Dammit! but shut the hell up about it!_

Rose spared a glance in his direction, a smile splitting her face. "We're not in the vortex, Jack. We're going through the wormhole." She looked at her husband, then turned the knob he needed. While she still couldn't quite pilot the TARDIS on her own just yet, being bonded with the Doctor made it so she could at least help him for now. His mental promptings of which button to press or switch to pull made things _so_ much easier.

"Isn't that cheating?" Jack asked. His face was full of excitement, eyes crinkling with barely contained joy. Out of everything, he missed this _far_ too much. Even if it felt like they were going to crash any second, he didn't care. Through his fear, he trusted the Doctor and Rose almost like they were his adopted parents. _Parents? What... The... Hell? Doc is far too cute for that, and Rose is just a gorgeous as she's ever been. So, why do I suddenly feel like a bastardized version of Oedipus? That's just WEIRD!_

The Doctor's smile was nearly crazed. "Of course! Can't go through the vortex during established events, but these things left the backdoor open! They're fault really." Of course, that wasn't the real reason. This thing was far to anomalous to leave alone though, but there was no need to tell _them_ that.

"Liar," Rose said with a twinkle in her eyes. "You just wanted to get more readings of the rift these things are generating, _before_ you have to close it." And of course she knew _exactly_ what he was thinking. How could she not? Ever since that disastrous turn of events with the ice cream four days ago, they were more in tune now than they'd ever been. _Well, not including that daft bit about those three little words she always wanted to hear though._

The Doctor scowled. "No fair peeking into my intentions!" His hard face melted when he got a tongue in teeth wink from his wife. "Now _that's_ cheating," he wagged a finger at her, doing his best to bury the rather graphic image she just sent him. When this was over, he was going to see if she really meant that. _Rassilon, she can be distracting._ That thought got a mental giggle out of her.

* * *

Rizidik and Mizidia were having a full on row over their situation. John had told them that he could take them home, but Mizidia didn't want to just leave the ship. [Absolutely not! _This _is our home!] she complained.

[We can get another one. The ship isn't more important than our lives!] Rizidik was flailing his arms about. [Think about the children!]

[I am!] she countered.

"Whoa, hold up." [Children?] John asked. [Why didn't you tell me that you had your family on board?] "How many?"

Christina was lost. "What's wrong?"

"They've got their kids on board," he explained. [We can take you _all _to Tritovaria. How many pupae are we talking about?]

[Three] they both said, before Mizidia continued. [You don't have a problem with this? We know how most species view our kind.]

John smiled. "Yes, I know. Fortunately, both my brother and I have a respect for all sentient species, including some non-sentients. You have nothing to worry about, I promise you. Now where's the nursery? My brother's almost here."

[This way. And... thank you.] Mizidia flexed her mandibles in what constituted a smile for her species.

Christina fought the urge to cringe and won... just barely.

* * *

Behind the bus, a ripple shimmered. Some thirty feet above, the TARDIS punched through with its engines grinding rather loudly. It rotated around the bus, then landed with a puff of sand almost next to the main door. Both doors opened and the Doctor stuck his head out to the shocked expressions of everyone in or around the bus. "We're taking you home! Yes, I'm John's brother. Yes, the ship is bigger on the inside. No, I'm not going to tell you how that works. Yes, there are things that are going to kill us all if you don't shake a leg and get in here!"

A hand pulled the Doctor back inside by the shoulder, and Jack stepped out. "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm and enter the ship single file. Follow the wonderful Doctor Jones and Officer Cooper to the infirmary, and they'll take care of you. We're on a rushed time table, so please hurry."

Even though she was inside the bus at the time, Angela was the first one into the TARDIS. Her eyes nearly popped out of their sockets when she saw the inside, but Martha was there to give her a hug before she broke down again. The men were next, followed up by the married couple. Carmen smiled when she saw the interior, and fixed her gaze on the Doctor. "They're almost here."

The Doctor smiled. "I know. Please hurry. I need to go get my brother." The doors were closed before everyone was through the room, and the Doctor started up the engines again. This time, he took a small jaunt through the fifth dimension to get to the Tritovore ship.

John was through the doors as soon as they landed. He handed a small package to Jack before going to the console. Christina was next, followed by the Tritovore couple who were carrying precious packages of their own. As soon as they were inside, Mizidia spoke up in both shock and wonder. "Oh my goodness. This is your ship?"

Christina spun around and gaped at her. "How can I understand you?" Strangely enough, that was more important than the amount of space the box contained therein.

Jack, rocking a four day old pupae, smiled with a chuckle. "Translation circuits beautiful. Don't worry about it."

"Jack! Time and place!" John scolded halfheartedly. Honestly, he was glad of the charming distraction he was giving her. Christina was definitely attractive, and he didn't quite trust himself around her. Not to mention the fact that her chosen hobby appalled him. Too dangerous. Far too dangerous. Rose raised an eyebrow at him, but said nothing.

Jack glared at him. "I was just saying hello!" Honestly, can't he have any fun? She was gorgeous!

Rose snorted at the old argument, then piped up with another old phrase. "Could you close the door? There's gonna be a draft."

Jack obediently closed the doors with a chuckle, and the TARDIS slipped out of the ship to appear above it. The three Time Lords spent four point eight six seconds mentally reviewing what they were going to do. More the brothers than Rose, but they included her with everything now. Her mind acted like a sponge with all the training and information her new Time Lord brain was absorbing, and they delighted in doing everything they could to fill that fantastically brilliant mind of hers. They then sent their time capsule spinning towards the rift. "Everyone grab hold of something!" the Doctor warned, speaking through the internal comms as he did so. The warning wasn't ignored in the infirmary.

The TARDIS, followed closely by at least three of the manta shark like things from the swarm, punctured the rift. It rippled shut after them, and the four travelers were riding the shockwave to Earth. That number was reduced by one, when a manta shark was consumed by the collapsing wormhole. It was followed by one of the others shortly after.

Mickey and Ianto tensed when they saw the event horizon of the rift shimmer, and Martin shouted. "Make Ready!" Two Torchwood employees and a squad of Unit personnel lifted their machine guns. The TARDIS shot out of the wormhole, followed by a single manta shark an instant later. "Open Fire!"

Gunfire exploded the air. Some hit the TARDIS, but most ricocheted off the metal exoskeleton of the manta shark. A beam of light came out of the TARDIS and snared the non aquatic eating machine, and the gunfire slowed before stopping completely.

* * *

"What'd you do?" the Doctor asked, completely taken off guard.

Rose looked a bit sheepish. "Snared it in a stasis beam?"

"But that's brilliant!" John said, full of wonder and with a smile a mile wide.

The Doctor was curious. "How did you..."

"Well, I've been paying attention, haven't I?" Rose interrupted with a snappish, yet playful smile. "That, and the TARDIS has been teaching me when you two are a bit too busy with repairs." Her secret was out, and she couldn't help the smile that was radiating out of her at their stunned expressions.

John and the Doctor both looked up to the time rotor. "Ohhh, you're brilliant!" they said. The Doctor continued with, "Thanks old girl," and John followed up, "Yeah, that was just Wizard!" A happy humming filled the room from the praise. Jack laughed like crazy, and the Tritovore couple were pretty much speechless.


	8. Trips, Gobs, and Plots

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Eight_

_A/N: Very sorry this took so long to get out. On with the Show!  


* * *

_

"Jack?"

It was a simple enough question, really. One that pretty much summed up the entirety of the people who were still pointing their machine guns in the air. It was a bit surreal. All of them were staring upward with confused expressions. That metal hammerhead shark thing was stuck inside a blue light that was coming from the TARDIS. That event horizon thing at the tunnel had just folded in on itself. And, wasn't there supposed to be something a bit... I don't know... _more_?

When Ianto didn't get an answer, Mickey piped up. "Boss? What's going on?"

They all watched as the rather large fish flashed out of existence. 'Yeah, we're here. Dealing with a few things. Going to take a few non indigenous back to their home, then be back in a couple of hours or less.' There was a pause, and Ianto was seriously thinking about beating a few more resurrections out of the man. 'Wanna come along?'

"Are you kidding?" Mickey said.

Ianto nodded. "Yeah. Bout time I see what all the fuss was about."

'Be careful what you wish for Yan,' Martha said.

Gwen added, 'Yeah, these two... _three_... taught Jack how to drive.'

'I resent that!' John or the Doctor could be barely heard through one of the comms.

The TARDIS came down and hovered half a foot over the asphalt. The door creaked open and one of the Doctor's stuck his head out. "Don't listen to a word she says, Ianto. Nothing beats TARDIS travel." The cheekiness of the grin he sported, not to mention the very un-Doctor like grey of his suit, pegged this one as the duplicate.

"Outta the way, mouth," Mickey said as he shoved his way past him. With everything that had happened to him; from garbage cans kidnapping him, clockwork robots wanting to dissect him, and being flipped about on a Zeppelin World, he was still righteously annoyed with the Doctor for taking... no _stealing_ his girlfriend. Now that there were two of him? Well, he was doubly annoyed... and more rude about it.

Ianto chuckled at John's 'Oi!' and followed Mickey inside, stopping just two steps inside. He was gently nudged aside so John could shut the doors. It was one thing hearing about how there was supposedly more space inside the little box, but to actually witness it? Give the man some credit. He saw it before, sure, but still. It was bloody unnerving! "Paul O'Grady would so have a field day in here."

"Who?" John asked before a bell went off in his head. "Oh! That grey headed bloke that cuts up on the telly? Yeah, I can just hear him now." He imitated the man's voice perfectly. "Dunno what I was drinkin' last night. Thought I was goin' to the loo, and ended up in the Taj Mahal!" he said with a grin.

Ianto just stared at him. "That's... just bloody _freaky_!" The Doctor laughed as he threw them into the vortex.

"Didn't you know we can imitate other people's voices?" The Doctor said... no, wait... his mouth didn't move. When The Doctor looked at Rose with raised eyebrows and an approving grin of his own, it hit them all. _Rose_ said that.

Mickey was stunned. "'Ow the bloody 'ell did you do that, Rose?"

"You pick up a few things in here," Rose said cheekily.

While Jack and John were laughing, Mickey's eyes nearly came out of their sockets. He pointed at her. "You gotta teach me that!"

The Doctor shook his head. "You don't have the larynx for it, Mickey-boy."

"And she does?" Mickey retorted.

"She does now," Jack said, cottoning on to the whole thing. He winked at Rose with a very big smile on his face.

"What'd you do to her!" Mickey yelled at the Doctor. He took one step, and found his feet dangling off the deck, his jacket zipper up against his throat, and the sleeves of said jacket digging into his armpits.

Mickey was turned slightly, to face 'the mouth'. "Oi. Watch it. He didn't do anything to her, and neither did I. If anyone did anything, _you _did mate."

"What'd you mean? Put me down!" Mickey complained.

John set the normally irrational man on his feet. "Remember the big yellow truck?" He got big eyeballs and a confused expression for his trouble. "You popped open that panel over there with a huge tow cable," he pointed. "And you could've just asked her nicely, Rose! She would've opened up." He looked back at Mickey, ignoring Rose's eye-roll. "Anyway, when it came open, Rose and the TARDIS had a mental powwow. Huge golden explosion; TARDIS screeching back to the year two hundred, one hundred; nearly breaking the time limit; Rose resurrected Captain Flirt over there," he ignored the 'oi' that comment generated. "And on top of it all, she changed her DNA from Human to Time Lord."

Mickey gaped at him, blinking rather stupidly. He looked at Rose, who shrugged sheepishly at him. "All that time in that parallel universe, you were a _thing _and didn't OW!"

He didn't finish his sentence, because John cuffed him on the back of his head rather hard. "Watch it, jackass! That's your friend, whose feelings you just hurt! The hell's the matter with you?"

Mickey didn't know when to take a hint. He bumped chests with John and shouted right back. "Bad enough he goes and steals my girlfriend. But to make her like him? That's too much!" And then all of a sudden, Rose was in his face - quite literally - with a slap that would make her mother proud. The Doctor and John both cringed at the echo.

"That's my _husband _you're insulting!" she shouted at him. At Mickey's shocked expression, she nodded. "Yeah, that's right. Husband! Get over your bloody self! Where the hell did my friend go? He wouldn't hurt a fly! This..." she gestured at him, "_thing_ took his place!" Tears were streaming down her face at this point, ruining her rant. "I want my friend back, or so help me I'll open that door and shove you into the vortex!"

John smirked at what she said, but was equally pissed off. When she spun about and headed out of the console room, he got a mental nudge from his brother. Taking his place at the console, the Doctor followed her out.

"Oh yeah, that was real smart there, Mick," Jack said, glaring. Leaning down, he whispered into his ear. "I thought you were past that? I've seen you making eyes at Martha. So what the hell, son?"

Mickey cursed under his breath and punched the bulkhead, which proved to be rather painful. The squabble from the TARDIS over it went unnoticed by everyone except John. "Oi! No punching sentient ships! Blimey, what the hell's the matter with you?"

Ignoring the mouth, Mickey looked up at Jack. "Martha's engaged, you know that."

"Not anymore," he heard in stereo from both Jack and John.

Looking between the men, Mickey could only say, "Wha?"

"He dumped her this morning," Jack explained.

Mickey looked alarmed. "I'll kill'em!"

"Humans," John scolded. "Can't make up their mind what they want to save their own arse." He looked up at Jack's scowl. "Oh don't you start. You have a go at anything that has a pulse, unless you went necro when I wasn't looking."

That last statement broke the anger that was ricocheting, and the three men busted up laughing. "You're right! Guilty as charged!" Jack said. He looked at Mickey. "So how bout it Mick?"

"No chance!" he replied, backing away from the man.

Jack stepped forward. "Oh come on. You don't know what your missing!"

"And I'd like to keep it that way!" Mickey said, still backing up. His retreat was blocked, however, by the other bloke in the room.

John grinned at Jack. "Care to make a wish?" Then proceeded to bury his fingers in Mickey's armpits.

Shrieks of uncontrolled laughter could be heard down the corridors, followed by heavy foot falls and Mickey shouting, "Gwen! Martha!"

Jack and John were holding onto the console to stay upright, as they shook with huge amounts of laughter. "Think that's enough punishment?" John asked through some giggles.

"Maybe," Jack replied, wiping his eyes. "Still going to make him recalibrate the CCTV network when we get back though."

"Ooh, blimey. That's harsh."

Jack shook his head. "Nah. He'll be done in four hours. So what about you? Care to have a go?"

John shook his head. "My hearts are taken already."

"You don't mean Rose..."

"No no!" John waved him off.

Jack scowled. "Then who's the lucky prat that beat me to it?"

"Met her a long time ago," John smiled. "Back when the Doctor and I were still one person, and Donna was with us. Her name's River."

"That's just a show."

John came up short with a confused look. "Huh?"

"I mean, Mal's to die for and Inara makes me want to weep," Jack went on, "But the crazy chick who hears everyone think? Dude, she's cute and all, but you could do so much better," he smirked.

It dawned on him then. "Oh! No! No, no, no, no, no. Not _Firefly_," John shook his head with a chuckle. "Her name's Professor River Song."

That caught Jack's attention. "That crazy archeologist? She's from my time! Wouldn't give me the time of day!"

"Another point in her favor," John grinned, pointing at Jack's nose.

"Hey!"

John's eyes went wide as something occurred to him. "Ohhhhh... that'd be _cruel_."

Jack tilted his head at him. "What would?" When John told him his idea, he couldn't help laughing himself silly. "You gotta do it! Tell her first or I'll knock you into the last ice age, but you gotta do it!"

John rubbed his hands together, with a huge grin on his face - giggling like a maniacal three year old who stole everyone's Halloween candy. "You tell her. It'll look funny if I whisper before I do it."

Jack couldn't keep the smile off his face. "This is gonna be great!" He left the console room and headed to the infirmary.

* * *

"Go away Mick!" Rose shouted from behind the door. "I know how you feel, so just leave it!"

Mickey knocked on the door again. "Rose, I'm sorry! You know how I am. I can't help it!"

The door opened and a very angry Time Lord stuck his head out. Mickey squeaked a girlish yelp, and backed up from the Doctor's black iris scowl. "When you're done chewing salt into your boot, I'm gonna shove it up your backside." The worst thing was, The Doctor didn't even raise his voice. "When we're done with Tritovaria, I'm kicking you off at Cardiff, and you'll never have to deal with us _things_ again."

"I, I, I, I'm sorry." Mickey stuttered.

"The only reason I'm not following up on Rose's threat right now, is because she cares for you despite what you said. No idea why, you bigot. Just consider yourself lucky. If you had the faintest clue as to what she's feeling right now..."

Rose put a hand on the Doctor's shoulder and pulled him back. "Mickey. Why are you like this? You're better than that." One look at Rose's tear stained face and Mickey felt absolutely tiny. "We only had the once. You were my best friend for the longest time, and we were on the outs even before the Doctor showed up. You know it too, so why are you so... bloody... STUPID!" She burst into tears again.

The Doctor pulled Rose into a hug and glared at the man. "Go away, Michael Richard Smith. There's no telling what I'll do when she's like this. And for fucks sake, DON'T go to the infirmary! We don't need an interstellar incident!" He punctuated his rant by slamming the door in his face.

Mickey, not having ever heard the Doctor swear like that, took off in a full run. The TARDIS got her revenge by arranging the corridors so that he was going in a circle.

* * *

Mizidia was chuckling at Martha. "No, no, dear. It's like this." The lady redid what she was trying to do, with what looked to be long experience. "There. You see?"

Martha's hands were on her hips, and she felt the right moron. "Sorry. I guess I'm just not used to nappies anymore. I was so good at it too. How do you make sure they stay on? I mean, there's no legs for it to go around and through."

Mizidia laughed. "Oh, they stay on till they find a way to wriggle out of them. Bloomin' menace, all three of them. Take after their father, they do."

"Oi!" Rizidik protested rather playfully, while patting one of his children over his shoulder.

Mizidia turned to look at her spouse. "It's true and you know it, you bloody escape artist!"

Angela, who had a drip in her arm, laughed from the back of the room. "My God, they sound like me and my husband. How long have you two been married?" She was slightly cross-eyed from the lovely medicine that Martha snuck into her saline drip, to calm her down.

Rizidik looked to where the question came from, then turned to his spouse. "What's it been, love... fifteen... sixteen..."

"Seventeen years, you ninny!" Mizidia scolded.

Lou, who was sitting next to his wife's bed, bust out laughing. "Oi, watch it mate. You're gonna end up on the couch before this is done!"

Jack bounded into the room at this point. "Excuse me everyone! Martha, is everything under control?"

Martha nodded. "Everyone's been checked out for dehydration. Angela had the worst of it, but I've got her on saline bag." She lowered her voice to a whisper. "Put some la-la juice in it too. Woman was a wreck." She returned to her normal speaking voice. "Mostly it's juice all around. Max scraped his hands while working on that bus engine, but the Doctor's dermal mender took care of that."

Jack nodded and turned them away from the others, to whisper.

"He did not!" Martha shouted, appalled.

Jack nodded and told her what he and John had in mind.

"No way. Leave me outta this!"

"Oh, come on Martha! The man deserves it!" Jack pleaded. "Besides, I have it on full authority that it'll be interesting all around, before everything's said and done."

Martha looked conflicted. She had her own ideas, and none of them included doing that for a laugh. If anything, she wanted to do it for real. She shook her head. "No Jack. Please. Not today."

Gwen walked over. "What's going on?" Jack filled her in on the hoof in mouth syndrome Mickey spouted earlier. "I'll flay that man alive! The hell's wrong with him?"

Jack motioned her down, and whispered. Gwen got to giggling. "Oh come on Martha. Do it! The boy deserves it with that mouth of his." Gwen gave her a pleading and rather puppy dog eyed look. Martha sighed and nodded, not liking where this was going at all. It would all end in tears.

* * *

It took a relative seventeen hours to get to Tritovaria and back. John had used his credit stick to deposit enough funds in the now destitute couple's account. Enough for them to buy another ship. This of course took them by surprise. Something else that took them by surprise was when the eldest of their pupae began her secondary stage of development. The parents were overjoyed. In another week, they'd have the first of three 'toddlers' running about. As it was, she was shrouded in the shell that formed not an hour ago.

The trip back to Earth went without incident. During that time, Jack and John filled in Rose and the Doctor on their plans for Mickey. The Doctor called them evil, but Rose was both hysterically laughing over the idea and cringing over what might happen when they did it. Her exact words were, "He's gonna 'xplode!"


	9. Cleaning Up, and Winding Down

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Nine_

_A/N: Almost done...

* * *

_

Gwen, Rose, and Martha were cleaning up the infirmary. It wasn't that the place was untidy, but there were things to be done; wrappers to pitch; tools to be cleaned; and other things of that nature. Most of the passengers of the bus were either sleeping or unconscious. The ones that were knocked out were Angela and Max. Angela, because she was so wrapped up in how things were impossible. And Max, well, he was just shy of heat stroke when they brought him aboard. After his hands were tended, Martha had given him a small sedative to let him rest.

"Things haven't changed much in here," Martha commented, while scrubbing the counter.

Rose gave her a small smile. "Not really. Haven't had much reason to change things about." She tossed some rubbish to Gwen, who pitched it.

"I really like the equipment in here," Gwen said. "Don't understand half of it, but I bet a lot of it could be used in the hub."

Martha shook her head. "A lot of the stuff in here couldn't be used. Power requirements are all different. Besides, I doubt the Doctor would want to part with them."

"Even if they could work, it'd change history," Rose said.

Gwen tilted her head at her. "How'd'you mean?"

Rose paused her clutter retrieval and stared blankly at the wall, her eyes glazing over. "Even though the initial changes to medicine would be wonderful for the planet, there are a couple of threads that could cause things to spiral out of control. Medical research into artifacts would be green lit, and ethical standards would drop to the bottom line. Don't know how I can see it, but I can." She blinked and looked at her friends. "Reminds me of what the Doctor told me of some farming place. Something about aliens and chemicals?"

Martha and Gwen both shuddered. "Yeah," Martha said. "Never mind."

Gwen put her hand over Martha's. "Wasn't your fault."

Rose tilted her head at them. "Hmm?"

"The Pharm... P-h-a-r-m, was where Owen got shot," Gwen explained. "Stepped in front of Martha to protect her."

Rose's eyes grew wide, and she rubbed Martha's shoulder. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"S'alright," Martha said with a slight smile. The hours spent with the woman who plagued her jealous heart for years convinced her that Rose was everything the Doctor made her out to be, and nothing she thought she was. Even though the time was brief, she couldn't help but like her. Rose was so sweet and caring, that Martha didn't have the heart to hate her anymore.

Of the 'patients' that were in the infirmary, Lou was the only one still awake. He was distracting himself with a newspaper and sipping some tea. It was tomorrows paper, sure, but they were going to be back that morning anyway. Carmen was sleeping peacefully for once, which Lou was taking full advantage of. No bothersome nightmares tonight. Well, that was the idea anyway.

Carmen's head started to turn back and forth, with a slight groan. Her fingers were jerking spasmodically. Lou set his teacup down and stood over her, shaking her slightly. "Carmen, wake up. You're dreaming. It isn't real." His wife's eyes popped open with a slight gasp. "No!"

This got the women's attention, and Martha stepped over quickly. "You all right, love? Are you in pain?"

Carmen wiped her eyes as she sat up in the bed. "I'm ... I'm fine. Oh, but that was awful. All those people."

"What did you see sweetheart?" Lou asked, as he rubbed her shoulders.

"Everyone with the same face... men, women, children... the same mad, laughing face. It was horrible." She started to cry, and Lou wrapped her up in a hug. "It's coming," she said into his shoulder. "It's coming through the dark."

Lou pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. "What love? What's coming?" He hated seeing her this way. "What was it?"

Carmen had her eyes closed and started to shudder. Gwen placed a tissue in her hand, which she took gratefully to dab at her eyes. "So large, it was. The madman, full of pain, rage, and noise. Lightning in his hands, his eyes." She turned to look at Rose, and she reached to take her hand. "John..." she said quietly, then yelled, "it's coming for John!"

Rose eyes widened in alarm. _'John, come to the infirmary, quick!'_ she yelled in his mind.

_'What's the matter?' _she heard her husband and brother-in-law reply at once. Strangely enough, she also felt a slight prodding from Jack's mind as well, but she wasn't focused enough to realize.

Rose swallowed uncomfortably. _'It's Carmen. She's seen something and it involves John. Just hurry up!'_

There was a slight shudder in the room, and Gwen was surprised when she saw the console beyond the door. Jack and the twins came in, confused and worried. Once they were inside, the console room returned to where it was before. John hotfooted it over to the bed. "Carmen? What's wrong, dear?"

Carmen gently nudged her husband out of the way, and took John's hands in her own. "It's coming. I can see it."

John sat next to her on the bio bed. "Start at the beginning. I don't know what it is you're referring to."

She looked plaintive. "Everyone had the same face. Everyone from all over, with the same crazed and laughing face." Carmen swallowed and rubbed her throat, and Martha handed her a glass of water. "Thank you." She took a long drink before she continued. "Something is coming through the screaming dark. It was so large." She closed her eyes, trying to see it better, and a tear was squeezed out to trail down her cheek. "It was on fire, and there were so many voices. In pain. Some praying. Some cursing. Some raving. Led by another madman, the cause of the insanity of the broken hourglass. The sand is all blurred together... monsters..."

John and the Doctor looked at each other with pensive expressions. _'You sure she's prescient? That sounds like the past._' the Doctor mentally asked him. _'She nailed the swarm, that's good enough for me._' Rose butted in. _'It almost sounds like she's talking about the void._' The twins replied, _'That's what worries me._'

Carmen's grip on John's hands drew his attention back to her. "You will find the song, but you will lose yours before its even begun," she choked back a sob. John's eyes grew round as she shook her head. "It doesn't make any sense." She looked him in the eye. "He will knock four times. _Please_ be careful, love. You helped us all. Saved us. I don't want anything to happen to you."

John tried to smile, but what she said stabbed him between his hearts. "River," he thought aloud in a whisper.

* * *

Ianto and Christina had been in the library for hours, simply reading. Christina was curled up in a chair, engrossed in the life and times of some person named Kasson. Ianto was happily reading through several books on food and drink preparation from different worlds. "That's interesting," he commented.

Christina looked up. "What is?"

"I never would've thought to use garlic in a drink before." Ianto scratched his head. "Sounds ghastly, but with the other ingredients I might just try it."

She made a face at him. "Garlic? What are you reading?"

"Some book from the planet Sto." He turned it to read the cover. "Exotic Drinks of the Terren Star System." He chuckled. "They spelled it wrong. Interesting to read a book written on a different planet, especially when it's a review of your own." He looked at her. "What has you so fascinated? You've been quiet for hours."

Christina smiled. "This Kasson gentleman, supposedly from the fortieth century. It's his biography. A thief from some place called Reb... Rabou..." she made a face and read slowly, trying the syllables one at a time. "Rew-ball-mar-fiz-car-yo." She shook her head. "Never heard of it, but it's quite the mouthful."

Ianto smiled and resumed his memorizing of drink recipes. While he was worried about a civilian reading about future events, he had a feeling that Jack would take care of that with some sneakily placed retcon.

* * *

Mickey woke with a groan. He had gotten completely lost in the TARDIS, unknowingly caused by the ship herself. Since he couldn't find _any_ of the multitude of rooms, he gave up to sleep in one of the corridors - half leaning on one of the coral support beams. He sat up with a yawn, and tried to rub the crick that formed out of his neck. A female voice startled him fully awake. "I am _so_ disappointed in you Michael."

Looking up, he saw a woman in a flowing and rather ornate red dress. It had golden writing along the hems and the cuffs of the sleeves. An overly large collar was behind her head in a half circle. She looked to be somewhere in her mid forties, and her raven hair was wavy and rather long. Her expression was severe, and she had her arms crossed. Somehow, she was slightly transparent. "Uh..." he said lamely. "Who are you supposed to be, then?"

Her foot started tapping. "We showed you the universe, and you _still_ cling to your xenophobic ignorance. You truly hurt Rose deeply, and I am _very_ unhappy with you."

Mickey shook his head to try to clear it. "I'm sorry, but do I know you?"

The woman bent her legs and knelt so she could look him in the eye. "I am the TARDIS, you stupid boy. Do you have any idea the pain you caused?"

"The TARDIS?" Mickey's eyes were round. "You mean he wasn't lying about you being alive?"

She scoffed. The lights dimmed briefly and she slapped the side of his head. "No he wasn't lying, you brat. You know how much Rose loves him, and yet you still cling to her like a fungus. Do you have _any_ idea how much that hurts her? Calling her a '_thing_' was the absolute _worst_ possible statement you could have ever said to her," she glared at him. "Rose was your childhood friend. She looked _up_ to you for years! In many ways, you filled in for her father when she needed it the most. You helped her through Jimmy's horrid mistreatment and abuse of her, and even bloodied the man for her. I loved you for that, and it was main reason that convinced us to bring you along. But, what you said to her hours ago made her cry harder than she ever has before... even when she was separated from us by the void. How Could You?" she shouted at him.

Mickey nearly came apart. Tears were streaming down his cheeks. Rose was the one person he would never betray, and he'd take a bullet for her. However, what the TARDIS just said to him stung worse than even the beatings his father used to give him all those years ago, before he abandoned him with his Gran. "I... I'm _sorry_! I didn't think! It just hurts! I'd do anything to keep her safe and happy! She was the reason I could keep going for years! And then this _man_ swans in and takes her from me! It's Not Fair!" he whined. He felt the tears coming and didn't care anymore. Burying his head in his bent up knees, he let go for the first time and started bawling.

The lights dimmed again, and the TARDIS avatar sat beside him to take him into her arms with a sigh. She could feel his pain, but she knew there was more in store for him than he knew. "You have to stop this, Michael. You can't keep holding on to her like she's your lifeline. There's someone else in your future, and you have to have a clear head about you to see her. Rose is married and more happy than she's ever been in her life. When the time comes, you will be the godfather to her children, and she'll be the godmother of yours. You're the only family she has left in this universe, and you can't keep doing this to her. It isn't fair to either of you to cause so much pain."

Mickey let her rock him, and somehow he felt the comfort that she was giving him deeper than he could understand. "There's no one else like her," he said softly. "No one in the world. I don't understand how anyone could come close."

She rubbed the side of his head and chuckled slightly. "You've already met her and work with her every single day, you silly boy."

Mickey looked up and stared at her, dumbfounded. "Martha?"

She gave him a knowing smile and nodded. "There's that brilliance. I knew it was hiding in there somewhere." She wiped his eyes. "I know you love Rose, but even she doesn't make your heart quiver as much as Martha does."

"Yeah, but..." he stuttered. "We talk and all, but I..." He closed his eyes and let her put his head on her shoulder. "She's been so focused on Tom for all this time, she barely notices me. How can you be sure?"

Her light and bell like laughter startled him. "I'm a time ship, remember?"

Realization dawned on him then. "Oh!" He felt her squeeze him close. "God, I'm an idiot."

"You can be," she conceded. "You just have to stop running your mouth before you've had a chance to think about what you're going to say. Do that, and you'll go far... I promise you."

A small smile went over Mickey's face. "Thanks. You sound like my Gran, rest both her souls."

"Any time, dear one. Just remember to lead with your left," she said rather cryptically.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

* * *

After the more than disturbing conversation with Carmen, things settled down for a bit in the infirmary. John looked around and was slightly confused. "Anyone seen Christina?"

Rose looked at him. "I took her and Yan to the library. Why?" she gave him a look and a smirk.

"Don't start," John frowned. "That woman's dangerous."

"Rather pretty though, for someone ferocious," the Doctor teased, completely amused with his discomfort. "Or, was that what you were referring to?" he grinned cheekily.

John scowled. "Not what I was talking about... at all. She's a thief and a liar! I don't want anything to do with that woman... Ever!"

"Oh really?" Rose countered. "Is that why your hearts race while she's around? Because I could've sworn I heard you..."

"Shut it!" John cut her off, flushing a shade of pink. "You two have everything you want right here. It's not my fault!"

Gwen and Martha were watching the display, grinning. "You know," Martha said, "we don't have to make it a laugh. I could..."

John sighed and stepped up to her. "I'm sorry, love. I've already met whom I'm supposed to marry. When the Doctor and I were still the same person, we met a woman who knew all about us... well, him. Everything she did hinted at future knowledge about everything, and she was so familiar and intimate with her interactions, that I know for a fact that I'm to fall in love and marry her. I can't risk upsetting the timeline. If we actually..." he trailed off and sighed again. "The paradox could be catastrophic."

Martha slumped with a huff, and stared at the floor. "Can't ever catch a break, damn it," she muttered.

Gwen turned to look at her, and finally understood why Martha was so reluctant earlier. She really fancied John, the Doctor, or both. _Both would be interesting_, she thought.

John pulled Martha into a hug. "Tell you one thing though, and I'm being completely honest with you here. Tom's a complete and total moron. If the timeline wasn't in jeopardy, I'd seriously come after you with bells on."

Martha hugged him tight. "Thanks." She turned her head to inhale his scent, and sighed again. "It's a shame really," she said quietly. "We'd be wonderful, I just know it."

John smiled sadly and kissed the top of her head. "I know, love. I know."

"Speaking of a laugh, you evil git, where'd Mickey get off to?" the Doctor asked. "Haven't seen him in hours."

Rose snorted. "Not surprising, with the way you mentally stabbed him."

"Bastard deserved it." the Doctor countered. "No one upsets my wife and gets away with it."

"And you call me an evil git," John said, breaking his hug with Martha. "At least my idea doesn't involve telepathy."

_He's with me, my darlings,_ The TARDIS said to them. _Ran him through the gauntlet, but I think I've gotten him straightened out._

"What'd she say?" Martha asked when the trio looked up. The warbling and pings she heard could only mean that the ship was talking to them. Gwen was confused, but she caught on to the idea. Jack smiled and kept his gob shut. He was the only one who didn't live here who understood what she was saying.

John said quietly, "Looks like the ship took things into her own hands. She's got Mick and is apparently talking to him."

Rose looked at the ceiling. "Don't mess him up too much. He may be an idiot, but he's the only family I got left."

"What, I don't count?" the Doctor said, slightly hurt. John followed that with, "Yeah, what are we then, minced liver tartar?"

Rose pursed her lips and poked John in the chest, then flicked the Doctor's arm with a finger. "You two don't count because we're married," she said to the Doctor. "He's the only family I had before either of you came into my life." She shook her head, slightly annoyed. "Thought you'd figure that out by now."

"Sorry," they both said, while the Doctor gave her a sideways hug and a peck on the top of her head.

_Don't worry, dearest. I'm only talking to him and chastising his behavior. No roughhousing is going on at all,_ the ship reassured her, _I promise._


	10. Pranks and Prophesies

_**"Rose River" AU:  
'The Desert of San Helios'**  
Chapter Ten_

* * *

On Easter Sunday morning, the TARDIS took several small hops across a small area of North London, depositing the hapless passengers of the bus in relative proximity to their homes. Of those that went home, only two were given retcon: Angela and Christina. The former due to her lack of being able to handle the situation, and the latter because of her hobby. Some might say that Christina should've been left to remember, but John simply wasn't having any of it.

When they dropped off Carmen and Lou at their flat, though, things took a different turn. While Carmen had been very focused on retelling John all she saw, she surprised them when she abruptly turned to place a hand on the Doctor's chest. "She's alone."

"Who, love?" Rose asked, taking Carmen's shoulder in turn and squeezing gently.

Carmen looked into the Doctor's eyes, but didn't see him. "I can't... find her name. She's searching for you. So alone and afraid. _Crying_ for you."

The Doctor's face was stuck between confusion and fear. "What does she look like?" he asked barely loud enough to hear.

Carmen closed her eyes and shook her head. "Blond, fierce, eyes like the sky, but so alone and afraid... her hearts beating so loud. Following you." Rose and the Doctor didn't miss the plural used with the word heart. He flinched while she inhaled sharply.

She opened her eyes and looked at him with a questioning face. "She's... An..." Carmen tilted her head in confusion. "Anomaly? Is that a name?"

The Doctor's breath caught in his throat, and Rose felt a stab of fear and hope rip through her from him. Her arm reflexively reached around to clutch his waist tight. "Doctor?"

John felt it too and turned from Lou, not having heard what she said. "What? What is it?"

The Doctor stared at Carmen. "Please. This is cruel. She was shot and I watched her die in my arms."

Carmen shook her head and smiled. "The sigh woke her."

The Doctor stumbled backwards against the TARDIS doors, images, sounds, faces, and that daft theology of Messaline burst through the mental walls he'd built to house his memories of her.

_She... I like that._

_I did it!_

_Oh, Thank you, thank you, thank you!_

_No!_

_I NEVER WOULD!_

Rose tried to catch him as he slid down the doors to rest on his bum, but didn't do much more than follow him down. She knelt next to him, appalled at the mixture of joy and horror radiating from her husband. _'Theta... Say something. You're scaring me.'_

"I left her there," he whispered pitifully, wide eyed and tears starting to spill out. _'Jenny.'_

Rose's eyes widened with a gasp, and she gathered him up in her arms. _'We'll find her, I promise.'_ She had, of course, learned all about Jenny from when they had bonded, as all mental barriers were thrown aside from the process.

John, though stunned, placed a hand on the psychic lady's shoulder. "Carmen, please. This isn't funny. You're talking about my niece, his _daughter_. Are you sure?"

Carmen was startled out of the sight of the blond girl in her mind, to see the Doctor on the ground and his brother nearly in her face, shaking her slightly. "I can see her, John," she nodded. "She's afraid."

John wrapped Carmen in a nearly bone crushing hug and whispered "Thank you," in her ear. He then turned round, shook Lou's hand, then helped Rose pick up the emotionally obliterated Doctor. Even though he wasn't much better himself, there were things to do and people to return. As they were helping him inside, John looked round and gave Carmen a brilliant smile. "We'll bring her back to meet you two, I promise."

Carmen smiled and waved as the door shut. Lou hugged her from the side, and kissed her just above her right eye. When the TARDIS disappeared, Lou commented. "Remarkable men. You think they'll find her?" His wife looked up at him and nodded with a wide grin. He turned them towards the estates, and up to their flat.

* * *

At around nine thirty in the morning, the TARDIS was back at the motorway welcome break where they had picked up the Torchwood team. The Doctor had waved off everyone, including Rose, and left to go 'think'. So it was only the Torchwood team, John, and Rose in the console room.

Jack and Martha were stupefied to learn that the Doctor's daughter was alive, as was most everyone else. Mickey chose that particular time to be unusually silent on the matter. He didn't know the particulars of Jenny's creation, and was wondering where her mother was. He felt particularly disgusted over it.

Rose took that time to help Mickey and Gwen move their things back into the SUV. While they were packing them in the back, Mickey muttered something. Rose didn't hear it and tilted her head. "Hmm?"

"Sorry," he said a bit louder. "About before. The Doctor... your _husband's_ right. I _am_ an idiot. A whopping big one. Forgive me?"

His last sentence was hardly out of his mouth before he was grabbed around the neck in a tight hug, only to be let go and punched in the arm rather hard. "Don't do that to me again, Mick," she growled, then whispered. "That was worse than... Jimmy."

Mickey's whole body cringed with that statement of hers. Just remembering how he found her 'the morning after', would send him into a near blind rage. He'd pummeled Jimmy within an inch of his life, and would've beat the man to death were it not for the fact that a couple of mates pulled him off. To be compared to that... _monster_... "God, I'm so sorry Rose."

She gave him a hurt look, and was almost tearing up again. "Just... _Don't_ do that again. Okay?" He nodded with a face full of guilt. "You're all I've got left, now that mum's..." she trailed off, unable to finish that line of thought. She missed his look of sympathy, then sighed and asked him what was probably the most important question she could at that moment. "Are we good, Mick?"

"Yeah, Rose. We're good." She hugged him again.

Jacks laughter preceded him coming out of the TARDIS. "Ask her already, damn. You're worse than he is." Mick turned just in time to see his boss rolling his eyes as he came out. "Kids these days." He thought that was rather cryptic, then saw the clo... _John_ come out, rubbing the back of his neck just like the Doctor did when he was embarrassed over something. It was really strange just looking at him. He missed John's searching glance for him though.

"All right, fine. I will." John said right before stopping to turn around to the door again. Mickey didn't notice any of his team watching for the coming spectacle from the other side of the SUV. Had he seen them, he would've known something was afoot from their barely contained fits of chuckles and giggles. John had spun so fast, that he ran right into Martha. "Oh! Sorry! Uhm, Martha. You got a minute?"

Martha looked at him curiously, and Mickey could've sworn there was a hint of dread on her face. "Yeah. What is it?"

"Well, you see. Uhm," John stammered. "Well, I've got this problem. No, I mean... proposal. I-I mean _question_ to ask you."

"Good lord, man. Spit it out." Martha said with a smile creeping across her face. "You're worse than the Doctor on coffee."

John's head reared back so fast that his gob shut with an audible clacking of teeth. "I am not!"

Martha laughed at him, putting a hand on his arm. "Oh go on. What is it?"

Mickey didn't know what was happening exactly, but his brow scrunched at the possibilities. He didn't even notice the knuckles of his fingers quietly cracking as his hands balled into fists. _He wouldn't dare!_

"Well, you see... Damn, this is hard." John complained. He blew out a breath, closed his eyes and tried again. "Martha, we live in a time ship, and I was wondering if you would like to com-_mmmmph_!"

Martha, fully expecting this from what Jack and John had concocted earlier, watched the Doctor's brother as he was doing an either piss poor job, or an exceedingly good impersonation, and she couldn't help it. He looked just like him. He acted just like him. Hell, he _was_ him in a way. And, what with him looking so incredibly cute and boyish and so geekishly gorgeous all at once, not to mention remembering the "genetic transfer" his brother gave her when they first met... Well, her emotions got the better of her. Her only thought at that moment was _This is my last chance,_ before she attacked him face first, in a snog that she hoped would make him regret this being just a laugh.

The smiles that Jack and the gang behind the SUV had, either dropped completely or got even bigger. However, even Jack's beaming smile faded when John wrapped his arms around Martha, and started giving back just as much as she was giving him. Either he was as good an actor as he was, or... "Uh oh," he said quietly. "I think this joke just jumped into a full on train wreck." He turned his head to look at Gwen's look of astonishment when she gripped his elbow like a vice. 'They're not playing,' she mouthed at him, and he could only shake his head in agreement.

Mickey was rooted to the spot. Both of his fists were vibrating with barely contained rage. _It's happening again_, he thought and he absolutely hated that blue box. She lied to him. Held his hand and wiped away his tears, and for what? This?

For her part, Rose was quietly amused at first. However, when Martha basically attacked him with affection, she actually moved backwards a step. She couldn't feel John like she could with her husband for obvious reasons, but the waves of emotions that came from him hit her like a ton of bricks. Desire being the foremost, with a combination of elation, joy, and guilt lacing throughout. She knew he was in trouble when she heard an unbidden thought slip out. _'Oh God, Theta's a moron for not doing this sooner. She tastes like cinnamon and sugar!'_

Since she stepped backwards, Rose could see Mickey coming unglued from her vantage point. Having only seen him act like this one time previously, she knew he was nearly to the point of turning and walking away. Taking his shoulder in hand, she had to pull hard to get him to turn around. The look on his face almost made her feel sorry for him, but she kept her face hard in a mirror of his. "If you don't do something now, you'll never forgive yourself."

John was taken completely off guard. One minute he was going through with his brilliant plan, the next he had a gorgeous woman trying to find out if Time Lords had tonsils. Having to deal with an ever present undercurrent of wedded bliss from his brother, combined with the lack of attention to that particular bodily function of his... well, let's just say he lost control a bit there. Martha was pressed up against him in very nice ways, and her hands clutched the back of his head rather possessively. The final straw was when he heard her whimper and felt her nails starting to dig into his scalp at the same time. All thoughts of Mickey were abandoned, and he wrapped his arms around her. Her explorations of his mouth, the feel of her body, and the lack of anything similar happening in a rather long while, zeroed out everything else around him.

So, it was a real surprise when he was forcibly removed from the situation and summarily decked across the chin by an enraged Mickey. John fell backwards against the TARDIS and very nearly lost consciousness from the blow. As it was, he had double vision and he looked up to see two Mickey's glowering above him. "You're not doing this to me again!" Mickey yelled.

Martha tried to pull him away, but she was stopped by Rose and was pulled back herself. "Don't," Rose whispered to her. "Let him rant."

"Do what to you again, Mickey?" John said, and it honestly looked and sounded like he was confused. He was smiling on the inside though.

Mickey barely restrained himself from kicking John in the stomach. "Take someone I love away from me! I had to watch as you stole my girlfriend. Swaggering in with your big head, leather jacket, and big ears. Doing all that exciting alien stuff. Wooing the woman I loved away, and then you go off and marry her out from under me. And you're doing it again!"

John forced his eyes to focus. "I didn't do those things, Mickey. The Doctor did," he pointed out.

"That makes it worse!" he shouted. "Now there are _two_ of you runnin' 'round and thinking your 'all that'. When's it gonna stop? You two gonna multiply and keep taking who I love? I'm not havin' it! Not this time! Never again, you bastard!"

Martha gaped at Mickey like she was seeing him for the first time. All those talks they had, he'd always reassure her about Tom. Hugged her while she cried. Mickey was always supportive of her, and did things to make her life a little easier. Coffee, lunches, and even simple listening. She didn't understand it before, but now that he said it for all the world to hear, her heart melted. Here was a man that not only loved her, but was willing to fight for her as well. She didn't know what to feel, but she'd never had someone do _that_ on her behalf before.

Mickey felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned, fully expecting Rose to try to stop him. He blurted out a 'what?' before he did a double take when he saw Martha instead. "Did you mean all that? What you said... do you mean it?" He deflated and nodded with a 'yeah'. Her emotions were on a roller coaster from hell, but seeing how he looked at her pulled her heartstrings. Instead of shouting at him for decking John for something she did, she hugged him and put the side of her face against the top of his sternum. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He stood there, shocked that Martha was hugging him. Still though, it was nice and he rested his chin on the top of her head and put his arms around her. Her question about his feelings seemed ironically stupid to him, but he gave her a simple answer. "You had Tom."

John quietly got up and rubbed his chin, grinning. Motioning to Rose with his fingers, he opened the TARDIS door to let her inside. They both waved to Jack and the team, but Mickey and Martha didn't notice anything was happening until they heard the TARDIS engine start up. As they both looked at it and watched it fade, Mickey had a sudden epiphany. "That bastard did that on purpose!"

Martha surprised him with, "Yeah, he did. He didn't like what you said to Rose. Had I known how you felt, I wouldn't have gone along with it." She held him tighter. "Glad I did now though. You keep things so bottled up."

Mickey put his cheek on the top of her head and squeezed back. They were interrupted by Jack clearing his throat. "You two done yet? I mean, we can wait. Just don't hop on the bonnet. I'm all for it, but Easter Sunday in public might be a bit much."

Martha turned to give him a scowl when Mickey flinched, and Gwen whacked his arm. Jack took the hints and got in the SUV, quietly chuckling to himself. Ianto sat in the back and chastised him. "You know Jack, sometimes you just don't know when to shut up." Jack turned and gave him a look that nearly made Ianto melt into the seat. "Later," he whispered. "Wait till we get home." Jack's smile at that made him kick himself. _God. That man can get away with anything, _he thought._  
_

* * *

_**A/N:** And that's that. Thanks for reading! Comments are more than welcome, as well as highly encouraged. They're the only way I know how you guys like things, and it helps me improve my writing abilities. So please, comment and review. Thanks. =)_

_Still in the market for a Beta writer to help me out with proofing. I try to catch things, but I'm only human.  
_

_Up next, "Athenaeum": The Doctor searches for his daughter, and John convinces him to do something else along the way._


End file.
